It has been a full three years since my big long decade-wasting relationship ended, and I've gone through many strange psychological phases during this time. I've been completely shut off from the world at times, other times I've been desperate for anyone to even pretend they care about me. One time, early last year, I was actually in a really good place and ready to meet my soulmate. It only took one cold hearted asshole to squish those nice girl feelings into oblivion and replace them with a fresh supply of cynicism. Now...I'm in a new phase where, for the first time ever, I like being single. I've never been harder to get than I am right now.
To clarify, I'm not playing hard to get. That's a deliberate mind game, which is not my style. The fact is, being in a relationship(especially a new one) involves trying really fucking hard to be the most socially desirable version of yourself at all times. It also involves giving someone else a say in many of the decisions you make, big or small. At this point in my life, I have no desire to purposely get up before noon on Saturday just so a dude doesn't think I'm lazy. I don't want to put on a nice outfit and makeup when I'm going nowhere, just because he might come by and be horrified by my bare face and yoga pants. I especially don't want to justify any of my decisions to anyone, whether it's a purchase, a career change, or change in appearance. Finally, I don't want to start explaining (again) that a salad or a turkey sandwich does in fact constitute "dinner" (especially for someone with a very slow metabolism). For all of these reasons and more, I am glad to hang onto my full autonomy until I meet someone who either doesn't require such exhausting bullshit or at least makes the bullshit worthwhile. Until then, I'm getting by just fine with a little help from my friends.
So, there it is. That's the difference between playing hard to get and actually being hard to get. I'm going to put on my yoga pants now, make a turkey sandwich for dinner and watch those unrealistically romantic movies that most dudes hate...because I can!!! Every day is Independence Day for me, and I celebrate accordingly...by freely doing whatever the fuck I want.